Uncertainty

I don't like video games, in general. It's kind of ironic, though. My whole life, up till recently, has been the pursuit of the knowledge required to make video games. We didn't have the web as I was growing up, so my acquisition of knowledge was seriously stifled. Now I do, though, and I feel like I have all the knowledge and tools I would need to put together something. The problem is, I don't really want to.

It keeps coming back to purpose. Why would I create a video game? What purpose would it serve? I feel confident I could. Part of it's that no idea I have seems worth the effort.

Another part is that I feel like I should be doing something more for people in general. There is a strong pull in me to be of service, somehow, to humanity in general. I don't want to feed the hungry, but I'd like the teach them how to fish, etc. I'd like to help spread a message of peace and love, just in general to the groups I've noticed seem to need it.

My block there is coming off as arrogant or condescending. It seems so much safer to just do nothing. People generally resent those who claim to know better than they do. Though my own life is generally peaceful, it's also fairly devoid of other people. My interactions at work are limited to, well, work and periodically drinking afterwards. My social interactions, for the last three years, have been non-existent.

I suppose I'm really not qualified to help in the way I want to. I guess that's an epiphany. I'll try again, I'm really not qualified to help in the way I want to.